The Evil Genius
Guide to Business
Fight, Maim, And Murder Your Way To Success In Business
Dear Friend,
Success in business can be tough and we know it's never easy to reach the top. So we'd like to help you get there with our favourite, most effective, and most devastating business strategies that enabled us to reach the top of every industry we've ever entered.
This includes insider knowledge such as how to:
- Find the right people who can get the job done and clean up the mess
- Use all the most popular poisons on the black market today
- Hide bodies yet make them untraceable in case they're found
With The Evil Genius Guide to Business Home Study Course you'll be able to succeed in all areas of business. Just take a look at these example modules:
Personal Development
To be a successful entrepreneur, you must first have the right mindset.
To be able to interact and control the most dangerous assassins in the world, you must first be bad ass yourself. This module covers:
- Why martial arts training is essential to your development
- Learning to use the most sophisticated and effective weaponry
- Understanding the underworld culture to avoid ending up dead
Leadership
Leading people that are willing to kill at the drop of a hat is never easy. This is something you should delegate to your Number 2 as quickly as possible but like all start up businesses, you'll find these skills critical in the beginning:
- How to strike the careful balance between respect and fear in your troops
- Dealing with a coup quickly and easily
- How to choose your management team carefully to minimise 'accidents'
Strategic Planning / Project Management
Many an Evil Genius has been brought down by poor strategic planning.
You must ensure you have the proper contingencies in place for all situations and always be far ahead of the competition. Important concepts include:
- Allowing for extra project time due to necessary executions
- Successfully managing using the carrot/stick/gun/whip technique
- Weighing the consequences of executing project teams on a whim
Customer and Market Focus
Getting customers to buy products can be one of the biggest challenges facing your business. Controlling your market is one of the most important areas of this course. You'll learn how to:
- Make them an offer they really can't refuse
- Use hypnosis, drugs, and subliminal messaging to greatest effect
- Find the right lever for extortion and use it regularly
Human Resources
To have the best organisation, you need the best people. Not every candidate will be suitable so making the right people choices is important. Interviewing tips include:
- The "fight to the death" interview technique as prescribed by Darwin
- The hottest recruitment countries
(including monthly updates) - Discovering and leveraging the most ambitious employees while maintaining your personal safety
Partnerships and Strategic Alliances
Guts and determination can only go so far until you'll run up against the bigger and more powerful players. Follow these strategies to form strong alliances and wrest the market from them by force:
- Appearing to choose 'safe' and 'neutral' territory for meetings while still holding the upper hand
- Useful contract terms including excuses for breaking the alliance
- Positioning to destroy your alliance partner when the dust settles
Process Management
Business is all about systems and your new strategies are nothing different. Having successful systems in place can add efficiency while lowering costs.
Try these time and money saving ideas:
- Designing the most effective and efficient approaches to torture
- Systemise your assassin training program for maximum results
- Customer capture programs that maximise your customer base while freeing up your jail cells
Society and Ethical Problems
One problem great people throughout time have faced are the whining "goodie little two shoes" in society. Use these techniques to silence the masses:
- Torture devices that are easy on the environment (and the wallet)
- Using mass media to blind the general public to your actions
- How to buy both politicians and influential bloggers
Key Performance Indicators (KPIs)
How can you improve your business without measuring the results? You can't! We'll show you how to implement important KPIs such as:
- Profit
- Cost per Death
- Cost per Customer Kidnapping
Other Valuable Bonus Modules Include:
- Choosing death traps that actually work
- Creating a high class prostitute scandal
- Concealed weapons and business meetings
- Pirates and ninjas: Working in harmony
Industry Expert Commentary
We sent copies of our home study course to influential people in the industry. This is what they said:
"The module on successful cover-ups was incredible! I just wish I'd done this course a few years earlier."
Kenneth Lay - Former Chief Executive of Enron
"It's fricken genius! And I should know.
It's module on sea bass with laser beams
was most useful."
Dr Evil
"From planning, to execution, to most importantly...
getting away with it, this course has everything!"
Tonya Harding
"What can I say? I saw results instantly through this course and its supplementary materials."
David A. Paterson - New Governor of New York
"This is a great resource for people who can't hide behind the flag of government. I highly reccament, reccamend, ...think folks should buy it."
George W. Bush
Our Complete, 100% Money Back Guarantee
Our product is so great, there's no way you could possibly want your money back. But, if for some inexplicable reason, you are even slightly unsatisfied with our course we will personally put things right.
That's right, we will come to your home or place of business to personally demonstrate the effectiveness of all our latest techniques for your families and workmates delight. We guarantee this will be an experience to remember (we'll video tape it in case you pass out) and you'll never feel disappointment towards our products again!
And if you find a more complete business course anywhere, for any price, simply tell us! In fact, send us their home address and names of family members to collect a generous finder's fee!
About the Creator of "The Evil Genius Guide to Business"
Craig Dewe (image darkened to protect identity) started his career in the New Zealand Army. Finding the New Zealand Army rarely got to kill anything,
he became a freelance assassin for various governments involved in international skirmishes. Since his two main contractors were the United States and Iraq, he soon became tired of fighting himself and decided to move on.
He then joined SPECTRE and was responsible for the execution of MI5's 004, 006, and 012. He also had the opportunity to kill 007 but was unanimously overruled when he objected to using the slow and unreliable "death by laser cutting" device. He was told his suggestion of "just shooting him" was simply not SPECTRE style and was asked to leave the organisation.
Noticing the growing capitalist nature of society, he turned his hand to business with amazing success. His small start up company soon grew to be the largest worldwide provider of corporate assassinations and extortion.
After growing the business to over US$100 Billion in sales annually, he then stepped back from the hands on work of the company to focus on his other passion, teaching others how to maim and kill.
With a handful of billionaire clients, he has successfully grown their organisations over a combined US$1 Trillion in the past year. Now looking to help small businesses achieve the same success, he has spent the last 6 months perfecting his home study course for distribution.
He looks forward to your own personal success stories as you grow your businesses and shrink the population.
Obligatory Legal Notice
Our lawyers wish to clearly state that the above is all true and fully within the realms of the law. All testimonials are accurate and correct, fully representing the views of those mentioned.
Our lawyers would also like to state that they were in no way under duress when writing this statement and their families were all safe and sound.
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